Tuesday, September 25, 2012

To My Friends...

Most who know me could tell you that I am a very social person. I LOVE being around people and LOVE to talk, chat, vent, basically an open book. I have a few circles of friends, some close, some distant and a handful I consider to be my best. It seems like lately, I've heard from a few who are struggling.

One conversation struck a chord when a friend said 'I read your blog the other night, you know the post about loving Cory? I'm glad to know someone out there has love like that...because I sure don't!'

I started thinking about all the blogs I read and thought of all the things I'll never be. I'll never be that super stay at home mom, who home schools her kids and wears the Leave it To Beaver apron. I'll never be that gourmet chef/baker with recipes that never quite turn out the way the picture looks.I'll never be...well, the list goes on and on.

 It had simply never, ever occurred to me that MY blog would strike this chord in someone else. I mean..my life is Crazy! Lets be honest,  if my blog posts resembled the conversations I have about my life to my sister everyday, Department of Family Services would have already taken the kids away and most of you would have disowned me by now!

I don't think there is one single person out there that blogs all the good along with all the bad. Blogs are a place to post happiness, funny stories and yes even sometimes the bad. But a PG-13 version of the bad, right? With that said, I'd like to post a few messages to my friends, people who I'm pretty sure read this blog and who I'm pretty sure need a little pick me up.

To my friend who sleeps in separate rooms than her husband...you deserve more. You deserve to be wanted, to be held, and to be loved. You are beautiful inside and out, and when I'm around you, I want to be a better person. You are a wonderful Mother and a wonderful wife. I think you should start telling your husband what you want and need. You want to be held, to be told your beautiful. You want help with the finances, you want a best friend. Start having sex every night...even if neither of you want too..just do it. Let's say for 7 days...straight. See if that helps restore the physical touch you had when you first met. Never doubt that Cory and I do not have a perfect love. We are flawed, you know about our flaws. We argue, we pout, we go to bed facing the walls sometimes. But above all else, we both TRY. That's it, that's all you can do. Just BE there. Right now you feel like yours isn't...TELL HIM. Thank you for always being my friend, for never judging me and for always making me smile. I hope that things get better.

To my friend who lives a different lifestyle than her husband and is contemplating divorce. YOU are amazing. Never settle, you waited too long to be married, be a mom and have a family. Think about why the different lifestyle is appealing to you. Is it control? Is it shove it in his face? What makes YOU happy? You too are a wonderful mother and wife. I have so much respect for you, I miss seeing you. I hope that no matter what life brings you, be it divorce, a flawed marriage, somewhere in the middle or a happy ending, I hope you know that are deserving.

To my friend who just lost a child...I cry for you. We haven't been close for awhile, but my love hasn't changed for you. I think of you when I hold my boys, when I'm tired and being grumpy around them. I think about you when I see a pregnant woman, and even when I read books. You live in a different world than everyone else right now and you have the total right to do whatever it takes to get you through. I hope you never feel like you have to justify to someone why you don't want visitors, or you don't return calls. Take every moment you need to grieve, to love the babies you have and to just be YOU. You made a difference in my life long ago, you have an infectious laugh and are just a complete joy to be around. I love you, I'm here for you and with no expectations.

To my friend who just lost a brother...My heart breaks for you. There are no words to help heal your pain. The only thing I have to offer is my friendship and support. Life is simply too short to worry about the little things. I don't know why you're living this nightmare right now. I hope you find enough peace to give you some rest and some sleep. I pray that you feel his love, even in the darkness of it all. To me you are like a sister, you always understand without me having to say. I love your family, and your sweet kids make me smile. I'm here for you if you need me, but from a safe distance so I don't add to the tornado.

There are so many people out there with 'skeletons' in the closet. They appear happily ever after on the screen, but in real life there are ups and there are downs. I've made decisions in my life I'm not proud of, I've had people in my life that have judged me, used humor to point out my flaws. Those that have a different kind of marriage than me, different kind of parenting style or even a different work ethic.

No matter who you are, what you do, or what trials you are going through, I hope you find the realization that no life is perfect. If it appears that way, then there is a good chance its a lie or a good chance they live in denial. Don't worry about what others think or say, you are the one that knows YOUR truth. And that is all that matters.

Real life is hard, ugly at times and in the end, if you're lucky, worth every minute. I'm surrounded by an amazing group of women. I hope I tell them enough how grateful I am for them, how much I love each and every one of them and all of their differences.

As I read this post back, I realize I'm reminding myself of these things just as much as those reading.


The Carnahan's said...

Thanks for such a sweet post. I know we haven't been as close as we once were but I am grateful that we can pick up where we left off once we see each other.

Losing a child for sure makes you think twice about things that truly matter. I hug my kids tighter than before, and let them know how much I truly love them because you never know how much time you'll have with them.

I slowly am opening up, I'm sure it just takes time. Thanks for being there for me, I know you would do anything you could for me and that means so much to me. Love you friend.

Kallie said...

Awesome post, you are a great friend Kim!

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