Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Take that, June!

You know how I just hate to brag, right? I mean, it's a little unfair to post all the wonderful, amazing and intelligent things my children do. But, I just simply could not pass up this opportunity to share this enlightening photo of how we support quality outdoor activities in our home.

Here they are, the little gems. Licking ice cream off the trampoline.

 Honestly, I bet June Cleaver never had a day like this.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

To My Friends...

Most who know me could tell you that I am a very social person. I LOVE being around people and LOVE to talk, chat, vent, basically an open book. I have a few circles of friends, some close, some distant and a handful I consider to be my best. It seems like lately, I've heard from a few who are struggling.

One conversation struck a chord when a friend said 'I read your blog the other night, you know the post about loving Cory? I'm glad to know someone out there has love like that...because I sure don't!'

I started thinking about all the blogs I read and thought of all the things I'll never be. I'll never be that super stay at home mom, who home schools her kids and wears the Leave it To Beaver apron. I'll never be that gourmet chef/baker with recipes that never quite turn out the way the picture looks.I'll never be...well, the list goes on and on.

 It had simply never, ever occurred to me that MY blog would strike this chord in someone else. I life is Crazy! Lets be honest,  if my blog posts resembled the conversations I have about my life to my sister everyday, Department of Family Services would have already taken the kids away and most of you would have disowned me by now!

I don't think there is one single person out there that blogs all the good along with all the bad. Blogs are a place to post happiness, funny stories and yes even sometimes the bad. But a PG-13 version of the bad, right? With that said, I'd like to post a few messages to my friends, people who I'm pretty sure read this blog and who I'm pretty sure need a little pick me up.

To my friend who sleeps in separate rooms than her deserve more. You deserve to be wanted, to be held, and to be loved. You are beautiful inside and out, and when I'm around you, I want to be a better person. You are a wonderful Mother and a wonderful wife. I think you should start telling your husband what you want and need. You want to be held, to be told your beautiful. You want help with the finances, you want a best friend. Start having sex every night...even if neither of you want too..just do it. Let's say for 7 days...straight. See if that helps restore the physical touch you had when you first met. Never doubt that Cory and I do not have a perfect love. We are flawed, you know about our flaws. We argue, we pout, we go to bed facing the walls sometimes. But above all else, we both TRY. That's it, that's all you can do. Just BE there. Right now you feel like yours isn't...TELL HIM. Thank you for always being my friend, for never judging me and for always making me smile. I hope that things get better.

To my friend who lives a different lifestyle than her husband and is contemplating divorce. YOU are amazing. Never settle, you waited too long to be married, be a mom and have a family. Think about why the different lifestyle is appealing to you. Is it control? Is it shove it in his face? What makes YOU happy? You too are a wonderful mother and wife. I have so much respect for you, I miss seeing you. I hope that no matter what life brings you, be it divorce, a flawed marriage, somewhere in the middle or a happy ending, I hope you know that are deserving.

To my friend who just lost a child...I cry for you. We haven't been close for awhile, but my love hasn't changed for you. I think of you when I hold my boys, when I'm tired and being grumpy around them. I think about you when I see a pregnant woman, and even when I read books. You live in a different world than everyone else right now and you have the total right to do whatever it takes to get you through. I hope you never feel like you have to justify to someone why you don't want visitors, or you don't return calls. Take every moment you need to grieve, to love the babies you have and to just be YOU. You made a difference in my life long ago, you have an infectious laugh and are just a complete joy to be around. I love you, I'm here for you and with no expectations.

To my friend who just lost a brother...My heart breaks for you. There are no words to help heal your pain. The only thing I have to offer is my friendship and support. Life is simply too short to worry about the little things. I don't know why you're living this nightmare right now. I hope you find enough peace to give you some rest and some sleep. I pray that you feel his love, even in the darkness of it all. To me you are like a sister, you always understand without me having to say. I love your family, and your sweet kids make me smile. I'm here for you if you need me, but from a safe distance so I don't add to the tornado.

There are so many people out there with 'skeletons' in the closet. They appear happily ever after on the screen, but in real life there are ups and there are downs. I've made decisions in my life I'm not proud of, I've had people in my life that have judged me, used humor to point out my flaws. Those that have a different kind of marriage than me, different kind of parenting style or even a different work ethic.

No matter who you are, what you do, or what trials you are going through, I hope you find the realization that no life is perfect. If it appears that way, then there is a good chance its a lie or a good chance they live in denial. Don't worry about what others think or say, you are the one that knows YOUR truth. And that is all that matters.

Real life is hard, ugly at times and in the end, if you're lucky, worth every minute. I'm surrounded by an amazing group of women. I hope I tell them enough how grateful I am for them, how much I love each and every one of them and all of their differences.

As I read this post back, I realize I'm reminding myself of these things just as much as those reading.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Pumpkin Staff Meeting

We had a fun staff meeting today at work and here are the creations we came up with!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What's for lunch

At the beginning of the school year, I made the mistake of thinking Jayden would be sooo excited to finally eat school lunch! Well, as most things Jayden - I was wrong! He eats with his cousins everyday who eat home lunch (Thanks Sis!) So, now I've got an account with money for him and have no clue what to put in his lunch box everyday. I also read on my friends FB that she went with her son to school lunch and that #1 it tastes horrible and #2 the kids don't hardly eat any of it!

I also hate to think he's going to eat PB & Honey for the whole school year, so I researched a few web sites, and it happens to be there are a TON of ideas out there. This weekend I'm attempting to do my own PB&J uncrustables to freeze for a big supply...but for now..

So, here is my first attempt at creative lunch boxes...

Turkey Pinwheels - take a tortilla, spread miracle whip or mayo add cheese, then roll up! I cut his into a couple pieces.

Fruit Kabobs - Strawberry, banana's and grapes (I'm hoping the toothpick idea doesn't backfire and he gets kicked out of school for having sharp paraphernalia!)

Baby carrots and ranch dressing

Pudding snack

Capri Sun

**Maybe a few candies to help brighten his day!**

I hope he was the envy of the lunch room AND I hope my sisters kids go home with high expectations...ha ha ha. Take that Lisa!! ♥

Stay tuned for more lunch time ideas

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Just another naughty Jayden-ism

Jade..oh you sweet little boy. You sweet, smart, handsome, naughty, mischievous little tiny pain in the .....So, as I mentioned earlier how great Jayden was doing with his reading at school? Like, could not believe he'd pick up these books, sound the words out and READ. Of course, this just solidifies that we totally ROCK at parenting and confirms that GOD didn't mess up by giving us these angels. He can READ! wheels are can I keep this up? We'll reward him! That's the ticket. So, off we went to buy a totally sweet new Bumblebee Transformers book bag, and new pants and two totally awesome shirts. Then I promise to take him to the back to school bash after work so I can watch my two devils angels run, play, laugh, be kids. This for sure will keep Jayden on the homework bandwagon. *SiGh*

Thursday night, I open his bag to find his book from last night in there. Only now, this little book has a sticky note attached. A sticky..from..the..TEACHER.

Mrs. Green,
Jayden tried very hard today to read his book. There a few words he needs to work on. Jayden was scared he'd be in trouble for not passing off his book. Could you please assure him he's never in trouble when he tries his best! Thanks, Mrs. B.

What the hell. I mean, what in the HELL!? Scared? What could this little shit kid be scared off?? We've been REWARDING him all..week...long! Not only that, I told him 'don't stress! you can wait to pass your books off. We just need to read every night and that's good enough for me!' Tells his teacher he's scared... Well, I'll tell you what he should be scared of...ME..after reading a note from the teacher which basically means 'Your kid is in fear for his life, stop beating your children or we'll call Social Services lady' UGH.

So we have a serious conversation about how he's NOT in trouble for the book, but you bet your sweet ass you're in trouble for telling the teacher that big fatty lie!! He said, 'I didn't say it to the teacher mom, just the parent aid' Oh great, they are probably our new neighbors.

Turns out that the night before, Mr. Readathon wanted to play XBOX with Dad and wasn't slowing down on his reading. So Dad gets mad and won't let him play until he does his homework. So really, he was worried Dad would be mad that he didn't try his best at reading to get away with XBOX.

Well, another life lesson for the three of us as we had our heart to heart and the dinner table. How we don't tell people we're scared of Mom and Dad...unless you're really scared of us? Wait..ARE YOU!? Jayden assures us that he is not in fact scared. Whew. That we'll work on his reading and not worry about how fast we're passing off books, we're just happy he likes to do it most the time.

As for the teacher, I sent her an e-mail explaining this whole funny story that really is fine and no one is scared. However, now forever in her mind I'll be the mother who scared her son for not reading who she had to send a note home to let her know people are watching so you better not be beating your kids. Yeah, I hear you..loud and clear!

It must be 5 o'clock somewhere....

Monday, September 17, 2012

Cory Update

Cory's been doing great, working hard and suffering right through hell recovery. It's been a l-o-n-g road. Right now if you were to ask him, he'd tell you this was the worse decision of our lives. I'm feeling confident as time goes on, he'll feel differently. We had a rough stay in the hospital, my previous post was a note I wrote to Cory on his last day there. I was so frustrated with the hospital and our surgeons PA, I could have burst. Technically, I think I did. Don't worry, the PA and the recovery floor manager are all fully aware of my concerns and frustrations. You know..I crucial-ed those conversations. Ü

The first week home was rough as well, trying to keep boys quiet is like trying to keep a Popsicle from melting in 100 degree weather. Ain't happen'n. Cory had to be on oxygen for the first two weeks, and we came home with a machine that keeps his leg moving 24-7 while he rests. Compile that with the ice machine by the bed and my once luxurious bedroom pretty much resembled an assisted living home. What a humbling experience!

(The words I'm about to say are only to vent, please don't worry about offering to take my kids or bring us anymore dinners...truly just to attempt to put into words my world for the last 3 weeks. And YES I know I'm not the one who had surgery...this is a very important thing to remember while taking care of your spouse whom you may or may not ponder smothering a time or two)

All those single mothers out there? Power to you BitCheS! I mean holy batshit crazyness. When Cory was really down for about 1.5 weeks after we got home, it was caring for him which included making sure his oxygen was on, documenting EVERY pill he takes and what time/how many? Do you need ice? Do you need a pillow? Do you have to go pee? Helping him shower, trying to get him to eat, are you OK? Scheduling physical therapy/answering phone calls, sending texts with updates/asking for HELP from family/getting advice from everyone whose had surgery/are you giving him enough pills?/try another pill/make him eat!/make sure he does his exercises/visitors/no sleep/waking up every 3 hours for more ice, pills, bathroom breaks! What can I do? Then add that will all the regulars of the to school night/set up preschool/hair cuts/school shopping/do they have back packs?/Have I paid for Jayden's school lunch? Oh that's right, don't forget to eat Kimberli...Hey Kimberli, check your work e-mail you've had a teller quit, the vaults not balancing, so and so didn't show up for the market staff meeting. Cry? You don't have time to cry? Irritable? HA! My kids saw mother dearest for a few days, as I worked to help us all survive. Poor Cory got the worst of my attitude a few times...yes not my proudest moments. BUT! Did we survive? YES WE DID.

We are finding our way again, Cory is actually down to one crutch and working hard on his physical therapy. Now it's just talking him into staying down just a little bit longer to help his recovery. He doesn't like to sit still and feels like a prisoner. He hates asking for help or putting people out, so this whole experience has been a real struggle for my husband. The kids are doing better and with Cory up most the day they are able to run and laugh and scream out their jitter bugs during the evenings and weekends.

I truly am so thankful for all the kind words, thoughts, meals, texts and FB posts. My family literally saved my life. Sisters, Mom's, Aunts, Dad's, Nephews, Cousins, Grannies...everyone pitched in. Doesn't matter how big or how small the help was, it was a breath of fresh air every single time. So many dinners, the kids got taken by family they love to go fun places. Our families took so much time out of their already crazy days to help without a fuss or question. Cole came over one night and mowed/edged the lawn why I pulled weeds, it felt so good to have the yard done. My sisters already have handfuls of their own and offered to keep the kids a few hours so I could nap or clean. Our parents continue to help me with Casey, picking him up from daycare on my late nights at work.

I'll be sure to keep everyone posted, it's bound to be a long road still but we've made it so far already. ♥

Sunday, September 16, 2012

School Days

I can't believe another summer has come and gone! We've been so busy it seems like it was just yesterday Jayden was graduating Kindergarten. We actually finally got the boys to sleep in a little, and when I say sleeping in I mean like 7:30-8 am. Some mornings we lucked out with 9 am. :( *sigh*

(All you single, kid-less people better be enjoying your mornings!)

Jayden was really excited to start 1st grade, we went to the back to school night and met his teacher. Mrs. Baer. He actually has been so great this year compared to last to year. We always had to fight to get him up and dressed and to go. Homework? HA! That was a challenge.

I can't believe this kid, he's up between 6:30-7:00 am eats breakfast and gets dressed. He has to get ready early, because with Cory being down and I have to get Casey to school then drive my 45 minute commute so Jayden gets ready, then watches TV or plays XBOX. When the bus is about to come, I call the house phone to wish him a great day at school and off he goes! For homework, he's been reading very well, like so well he's passing off a book every night! (Please stay tuned for a future story on reading books) I have my fingers crossed it stays like this, and we'll have a great year!

Oh Casey squishy..oh how I love thee. Oh how you break my heart every morning for preschool/daycare drop off. Casey has the getting up early, eating breakfast, watching Sponge Bob then getting dressed part of our morning down packed. Now, as for the pulling into the school parking lot and walking into class...well that's a horse of a different color. Let's see...the first day I took him he started screaming and kicking the teacher. FUN! Then, we've slowly started to get a tiny bit better each day.

Now, we walk into the school, he asks me whats on the menu for lunch and he walks into the classroom..but as soon as he senses me leaving he drops his head into his hands and cries. Like a heartbreaking, you're the world's worst mommy, why would you leave me here cry?! Seriously, feel like I age 5-10 years every morning. When we pick him up, he seems to have had a good day, and is playing. The teachers tell me that as soon as I go, he's fine. But of course he is. Little stink.

We're down two weeks and he's still alive and shockingly so am I. I'm hoping the days get better, but until then I take a deep breath each day as we pull into the parking lot. I always go back to my Mom's saying 'Anyone can do anything for a certain amount of time!'

So, until the day when Casey is excited to leave for school all I can say is

'Casey baby.. I love you. Mommy works hard for you and brother. One day when you're older and hopefully, we're still the best of friends, you'll look back and think maybe, just maybe life wasn't so bad. Love you to the moon and back.'

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Loving you...

I'm sitting here in your hospital room, watching you sleep. Listening to the hum of the machine that's working to keep your newly implanted knee moving and to help ease your pain. I can hear your breathing and watch your chest rise and fall with every breath. I see the oxygen hose hooked to your beautiful face. A strong face, a strong man. I know you feel weak and possibly a little broken. I want you to know that you are not broken, just taking a time out from your crazy busy life to heal and mend yourself to make your body stronger.

I am here for you. I will carry the load for both of us, because your arms need rest. I will work to be strong for both of us to give your mind body and soul time to breath. We have been through so much, I'm sure with many more challenges, trials and triumphs ahead. Although I no longer believe in a perfect, flawless love...I believe in you and me. I believe you find perfection through the imperfections. A perfect love is what you make it to be.

Love is protecting one another, putting ourselves on the line to give the other what they need.  Love is me explaining to the doctors how they are not meeting my expectations in caring for the man in room 318, who happens to be the beginning and end of my entire world. Today I felt raw love for you as I did my best to grasp onto the idea, that in a facility of specialists and experts, we hear a lot of 'I don't knows'. As  I did my best to hide my tears, my mind and pride lost the battle to my heart and soul as they came pouring down.

I see the worry in your eyes as you grabbed my hand and squeezed to say 'it will be alright'. I'm sorry I added to your struggle today. Love to me is putting it on all the line when you need it most. I am here for you. I will carry the load for both of us, not only because I love you wth every depth of my being. But because I know you would do the same for me and have. I will never stop fighting for you, fighting for our boys and fighting for us. I will never stand for you getting second rate treatment when you deserve nothing but the best. 

I love the man you are, and I love how by just being in your presence I feel like a better person. You make me want to be better, give more, do more and to never settle. I will never stop wanting you, I will never stop needing you, I will never stop loving you in our wonderful, beautiful, imperfect life.

Forever, for always and no matter what.
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