Monday, October 31, 2011

Wanted: Patience


Of all the many, many things I've come to learn over my few short years as a parent...almost 6 to be exact...the one lesson that seems to be sticking out the most lately is there is not just one right way to parent a child.

I've spent many hours contemplating my children, asking myself a thousand questions. It looks something like this:
  • Am I giving them enough?
  • Do they know how much I love them?
  • Am I teaching them compassion and understanding?
  • I can't believe he said that...do I talk like that?
  • What will their wives look like?
  • Do they know how proud I am?
I never know for sure if I'm doing it right. I always feel quick to point out when I miss it...that divine opportunity to have a teaching moment or leading by example. I wonder if I spend more time developing my staff at work than I do my own children? (See how those questions just sneak in there?)

If I had to pick one body part I'm least proud of it would be my skin and my stomach. OK that's two..but it's my blog and I make the rules or lack thereof. If I had to pick one parenting quality I'm least proud of...it would be my patience and the fact that I yell. There I said it.

I. am. a. SCREAMER.

I follow a blog you might have seen to the side bar labeled Pink Moss. The author has offered to start an advice column to give insight to her followers and fellow mothers. I submitted the first question, she has 6 girls and 1 boy and to be honest I read her blog as a punishment to myself as a mother.

I read her posts and think, here is a TRUE mother.

I must just be a pretend version or probably should've put a glove on it and rethought the whole 'procreation' process. I only have 2 and here I am, yelling over little things. So I asked...where do you find all your patience? Here is the post.

I thought she had great ideas and my favorite line out of the entire post was that often times we treat our children as if they are adults and understand life how we understand it.

BIG MISTAKE!

I'm not sure why I have so little patience. I found that often times I have more patience with those at work than those at home. Strange, because I have much more invested at home. I have come to the conclusion I have more ties at home. I can yell and throw fits and have no patience...they will forgive me because they love me. If I yell at work, it's easier to be asked to leave. Simple..yet deranged.

I know every family, every house is different. Some rely on religion and prayer, others find their own way. I know this because I watch. Every where I go, I'm listening to mothers talk to their children. Sometimes I think, I'd like to be like her. She sounds so loving and gets response from her children by asking in a normal tone of voice and no yelling!

Sure Mom, I'll stop doing that...love ya kiss kiss!

After much debate, internal debate until now...I've decided to put my best foot forward and focus on little things I can control. When I feel like I need to yell, I'm going to ask myself 'Is this something that can be solved by talking? How would I feel if the 5 o'clock news was here filming me right now? Because let's be honest, most the time I would DIE if there were a film crew following me around.

Also, I've always felt like it's good to focus on the positive. What are some things I feel good about my parenting skills. Here are a few

  • We read to the kids EVERY night. Ever since Jayden was a baby, we pick a book and read right before bed time. Now, I rock Casey while he has his chocolate milk and Jayden sits next to me. The current favorite pick of Casey's is The Bernstein Bears Class Trip. It's about a field trip to a honey bee farm. Casey calls them 'butterbees' when I kiss him goodnight he tells me 'Night night ButterBee!' swoon
  • 90% of the time we have dinner at the table each night. Even if the dinner isn't fancy (hot dogs with mac & cheese) we eat together and have 30-45 minutes of talk time.
  • We are very affectionate with our boys. Hugs, kisses, I love yous..anytime I can get a squeeze from my family you betcha I'm taking it!
  • Sometimes when Jayden thinks that no one is watching, at dinner, in the middle of a baseball game, during Karate practice...he lifts his chin and smacks his lips like he's sending me an air kiss. Then flashes that million dollar smile....oh he's got my heart.
  • Cory is amazing and always makes time to wrestle with the boys or just play. Some of my favorite times are watching the boys team up on their dad and the endless supply of laughter that comes with it.
  • We support and protect. No matter what, I always want the boys to feel they can talk to me
So, thanks for not judging (if you do just don't tell me). Hopefully, by sharing maybe it will help you get through whatever ales you right now. I'll keep tabs on my progress. As with all things, I already feel like a weights been lifted just by writing about it.

1 comment:

Shauna said...

I love your posts about motherhood! You're SO real about it. I often feel like my family and friends act like parenting is no big deal, while I'm whining and crying about how dang hard it is! So I love your honesty about it. Makes me feel SO much better.

And I really liked that other blog you linked to. I know I just have a 5 month old, so I'm not yelling at him . . . yet. Ha ha. But I find myself losing patience and getting frustrated with him if he only takes a 30 minute nap, etc. So I really liked the idea of imagining if your parents were in the room with you. Such great tips. Anyway, love your posts. Thanks for them!

 
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