Sunday, January 24, 2010

Brazilian...not for the faint of heart.


Saturday morning I went in for my first Brazilian bikini wax. My sister has done it a couple of times and really liked the outcome...I thought..hmmm..can't be that bad, right? WRONG!
First, you have to grow out your hair. Now, I'm not OCD or anything but I shave pretty much everyday, legs and bikini area. So five weeks of grow is not only irritating, but basically I felt like amazon woman.
I arrive at Crystal's Skin Care where I usually go for my chemical peels and acne treatments. This time, she directs me into another room with a table full of torture devices and several steaming hot pots of wax. Leaves me with a skinny towel and tells me to take everything off the bottom and straddle the towel. Picture half of a SUMO wrestler's outfit.
She comes back in and proceeds to tell me that I will be helping today! I felt like saying are you kidding?! I'm about to have a heart attack. She takes what looks like a deodorant applicator and rolls it over the very top of my bikini area. Well, the applicator is wax and it pulls on each of those stupid little hairs that have been growing..ouch.
Then she applies the paper over the wax and tells me to bend my leg outwards while pulling my skin as tight as can be. The tighter the better. She then asks me if I'm ready...attempting to take myself to another place I reply...yes. RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP....Holy Mother Trucker!!! Yes, I said the F Bomb...yes I said it more than once along with every other swear word. Remember the scene in '40 Year Old Virgin' Yes, I said those kind of words.
I think Laurie said it best when she described it as someone slapping you as hard as they can on that area. The very top of the bikini area and the sides where your legs meet your who-ha. The closer it got to the Netherlands, the less it hurt. If that's possible when you're applying hot liquid magma and proceeding to brutally rip out every hair on that part of your body. Over and over, she applied the wax and ripped it off. She tried to talk to me while ripping to get my mind off of it..didn't work. There were outbursts...a few gasps and I think maybe a tear or two!
Yes, I did the complete Brazilian. The hardest part for me was that someone who is normally working on my face was up close and personal with the total opposite end. The pain of hair removal on that region was the easiest of all. Um, other than the application of HOT WAX...HEEEELLLOOOO!
The whole process took about 20 minutes...probably 9-8 minutes of waxing and the rest taking a break to breath. Afterwards she had me apply oil and then a cooling gel...NICE. It welted after for the rest of the day. Here I am on day 2...LOVING IT! Really just felt like a slight bruise afterwards but no actually bruising. Smooth as a...well you get the picture. Seriously, much smoother than shaving and not wanting to give to much TMI...Cory is a fan.
I think next time (yes, there will be a next time) I will use my numbing gel and see if that helps. She said after your third time, there is 1/3 less hair to remove and isn't near as painful.
So, thanks Crystal...sorry I called you names that started with the F Bomb and ended with something like an itch....LOVE YA!

14 comments:

allycupe said...

Yeah, I'm a fan of the waxing....I've never been brave enough for the whole brazilian but I'm gotten um...close. Now that I'm overseas and can't afford the waxing I am very sad as shaving everyday is a pain. Plus I get an adrenaline rush after waxing and end up all Randy...there, now I'm shared TMI so you're not alone...LOL

Taylor's mom said...

Two and a half words...you're crazy!

Jani said...

You mad my day! Loved the story...

Jani said...

Holy crap why is there not spell check on blogger comments!

Jones' said...

OUCH! But sounds worth it. My bigger problem is I am not sure I can get past showing my "who-ha" with some random chick.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh. My. God.

And you're going back? I was wincing the whole time while reading this. Now my nether regions are starting to hurt. Thanks.

And your going back?!! Ouch!

(I left you something on my blog)

Shannon said...

Ohhhhh my goodness. You are soooo brave. I think I could handle the pain. I could not handle someone doing my nails and then looking at my tushie up close and personal. You know, I wonder what all the people outside the room do. Can they hear people in there yelping? I just couldn't do it! Stopping by from SITS!

w said...

well. i always wondered what it'd be like. the whole process. but i was always too afraid to google it. mainly because i don't want pictures of vajayjays popping up everywhere. because then i'd have to bleach my brain.

and now i know what it'd be like. i'd have to down a whole bottle of vodka. and benadryl. color me terrified out of my mind.

nevertheless. i laughed so much. thanks for the great post.

stopping by from sits.

tickledpinktwice said...

You are brave. I know how much getting my brows done hurts...I can only imagine. Thanks for the laugh...

Visiting from SITS!

satakieli said...

I shave, I've never been brave enough to go get a wax. I'd really love to though (well aside from the pain.)

Stopping by from SITS!

Rachael@Tutus and Tantrumns said...

Good For you! I've done it...myself...long story short: I re-tore a birthing tear! Ya, I won't ever be waxing again!

"And so our stories go..." said...

OMG, I've wondered what this felt like and you describe it so well. I'll stick with the razor!!! Yikes.
Mary

Yankee Girl said...

I love brazilians. Yes, the are painful, but it is so worth it. Now that I have been doing them for so long, they have actually become less painful than getting my eyebrows waxed.

The Professional Family Manager said...

I think I'll stick with the Brazilian shave. I'd go nuts waiting the five weeks for it to grow out. I'd also have to go seventy miles away to get one done...apparently there isn't a market for Brazilian waxes for people who live in rural areas. So, see, I have two "good" excuses to avoid the pain. :-)

 
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