Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tragic moments, time stood still and I am grateful

This weekend had so many ups and downs, mostly downs. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. It started off great, I had lunch with my mom and sisters on Friday. Laurie and I went and saw 'The Box' with Cameron Diaz. (Two thumbs down BTW)

Cory and I were supposed to go out that night, but he came down with a fever and sinus infection. It seems like any time we get sick at our house, I get the sniffles and Cory gets the full force of it all.

This is where it started going south.

Saturday was a long day, Jayden was restless staying home all day with Daddy sick and unable to play. Cory's fever had come and gone without any real improvement, so I sent him to the doctor at about 3:30 pm. Jayden was napping and Casey had just gotten up to get a bottle.

Jayden came down stairs crying and said "Mommy, someone in my room and they yelled 'HEY' at me. It scared me and I have accident!"

He had wet his pants, and thinking it was just a nightmare I told him to go get some underwear. He hugged me and said "I don't want to go upstairs" I went with him and we got him some underwear. As I was dressing him, I looked out his window to see Sheriff's and Ambulances in the cul-de-sac. I raced outside with Jayden in my arms and right next door a teenager was walking towards me. He was pale white, trembling and said 'They ran over Gracie'.

Time stood still.

I turned around to see people surrounding the street, no one daring to come close. By that time they had the road blocked off, I later found out they were clearing it for Life Flight. I did my best to comfort the young man, he almost passed out and said he was going to be sick. I stayed with him until he went back into the back yard. I went to check on Casey and called Cory for him to come home. The tears were starting, fear for the family who had always been so nice to us. I was grasping onto Jayden and he was scared.

I won't share all of the details for the sake of the family. Little Gracie couldn't be resuscitated. She passed away in her back yard...15 feet away from my house, 15 feet away from my boys, with her parents holding her hands. It was the most tragic moment I'd ever witnessed. I was in their driveway when they pronounced her gone. I ran inside to Cory, he was holding Jayden. I was sobbing as I held my family. I cried as I hugged Jayden tightly and felt so helpless for my nieghbor, that she'll never get to embrace her youngest daughter again on this earth. My heart aches for the parents. I watched out the window holding Casey, while the husband embraced his wife. I met her eyes and hope I will never know the pain that was running through her body.

I kept walking outside to check with the family and bishop. As the night went on, the cars started to fade. I couldn't sleep that night, I kept thinking of the mother and how her world will never be the same. For the driver of the truck who will never awake from this nightmare and for the 4 little girls who are wondering why their baby sister is gone. So close to my home, so unreal.

Cory and I spent a little extra time with each other that night and telling each other how grateful we are for one another and our boys. I told Cory, I could never imagine coming home without my boys.

We took them dinner this afternoon, and what a strong spirit I felt there today. I spent some time with the parents and they said they felt at peace. The mom said how grateful she was to spend the last moments of Gracie's life with her. That Heavenly Father knew she would need that as a mother. She held me tight and cried as she whispered in my ear 'Go home and hug those sweet boys'.

I sit here tonight so grateful for my life. I see tragedy around me and wonder what I did to deserve the life I have? Am I worthy enough for it and will someone find that I'm not and take it away.

Jayden was still a bit scared that night, we figured he heard the parents yelling as they found her. He told me 'Mommy, I'm sad that girl got hurt.' I told him I was sad too, but that I was sure wherever she was, that her mommy and daddy were loving her just like we loved him. I laid for an extra minute that night hugging Jayden. It's as if he knew what I needed, wrapped his skinny arms around my neck, kissed me and whispered 'I love you mommy'.

As I snuggled with Casey after that, he offered me a smile. How sweet their little spirits are and how tender the time we share with them. My heart goes out to the family and to Grace. It is quite clear she was needed home to be with her Heavenly Father.

As you read this, take a minute to tell your spouse, kids and family what they mean to you. As you go to bed tonight, please say a prayer for the Hill family. Keep them in your thoughts, that they keep that peacefulness they so strongly need to get through this tragic moment in their lives.

For the parents who raised me with love, my mother and my sisters who are the strongest women I know and my safe haven's, my husband, Cory, who is my...who is my everything.

For the two special spirits that know me as Mom, sleeping upstairs right now..I am grateful.


Kallie said...

Oh Kim, I am so sorry you had to witness such an tragic thing. I had chills run through my body, and tears in my eyes as I read your post. I know we don't always know why the Lord takes innocent children, but there for sure is a reason. I will definitely pray for the Hill family tonight. Hang in there.

Jani said...

Oh my goodness, that breaks my heart. I seen it in the newspaper and felt bad I can't imagine how you are feeling being so close and all.

KC said...

Kim, that is the biggest fear that any mother has, losing a child. I feel for the family, and for those that were there to witness it. It does make you take a step back and realize how blessed we all are to be able to spend ANY time with these sweet spirits who our Heavenly Father has allowed us to have. Too bad all of us can't go throughout our lives loving and caring and concentrating ALL our time on our kids. It's sad that it takes an accident like this to make us realize we need to love our kids more. I am guilty of that. You are a good neighbor to take them dinner. Everyone needs to keep that family in our prayers.

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