Friday, October 23, 2009

oH Me Oh My...mY bOoBiEs!!

*Warning, the words boobs, boobies and nipple are used more than 12 times in this post**

I have officially STOPPED nursing! I think it's safe to say (knock on wood) this was the LaSt nursing experience I'll ever have! Cory goes in next Wednesday for the ol' clipperoo.

I thought in remembrance of the occasion I would list some of my breast feeding memories, roll the beautiful bean footage!

Jayden
  • When my milk came in the very first time with Jayden, experiencing hot liquid magma and rock hard boobs because he wouldn't nurse. I'm sure I'm not exaggerating when I say they were the size of a small basketball.
  • The first time I hooked my boobs up to a pump with Jayden. I was quite engorged, Laurie helped me hook the cups up to my small planets Ü She turned on the machine and I watched my nipple extend 4 inches into these tubes and I experienced pain and relief all at once as the milk started to fill up the bottles. Cory took on look at me and left the room, he said he'd never be able to look at my boobs the same again if he didn't leave! I literally 'mooed' at Laurie, I had officially entered the world of milk machine mom's
  • After Jayden and I worked out our differences and he started nursing well, I was at my mom's house for dinner. I had almost finished nursing on the one side when Jayden must have gotten a bubble because he clenched his jaws and screamed. Well, we ended up screaming together because he was clamped down tighter than a tortoise on the end of my nipple....YYYEEEEOOOOWWWW!
  • When I stopped nursing Jayden at 6 months old, it was a hard decision as it always is I guess. I remember the last time I nursed him clear in my mind. It's a memory that belongs to him and I.

Casey

  • Latching him on in the hospital right after delivery, he latched right on and started to suckle. He had quite the appetite from the beginning. He looked at me in the eye as if to say 'Hi Mom, I'm yours and have been waiting'
  • The shameful feelings of 'I don't want to nurse anymore, I'm ready to have my body be mine'
  • In the middle of the night when he would nurse, stroking his cheeks and loving him so much
  • How anxious he would get when it was time to nurse. I barely had time to get my shirt up before he was searching with his face frantically!
  • The shooting pains in my right nipple that kept me up all night.
  • Sticking a needle in the end of my nipple to relieve whatever was stuck (Yes, a needle, yes it hurt and no it didn't work)
  • Having my boob be bigger than my babies head!
  • Not wanting to let anyone down when I felt like a selfish failure with nursing

As I type, my boobs are bound in a sports bra with an ace bandage as they have been for the last two days. I feel bruised, but no shooting pains anymore. Casey is still searching when I cuddle him. They say babies can smell their mommies milk. I know he'll love me no matter what, but it's still a hard decision. Not wanting to pump at work, pains, and just a plain hard delivery and recovery have left me feeling a bit less than up to par as a mother the second time around.

What keeps me going is the smiles he gives only me (however, he did share a few with Melissa at work today and even giggled for her..what the?!) It was very cute to watch though! I love how he is a mush and snuggles into my neck to fall asleep. I love his smell, even his clothes after he spits up and yes I still think his baby poop has familiar smell to it. (I know, I have issues)

So, as I wait for my milk to disintegrate and my boobies to become mine once again I say a fond farewell to the nursing times for me. I'm so glad I tried it with both of my boys, succeeded with one and almost with the other. It's a powerful bond between a mother and child that no one else shares. It's empowering to know that my babies survived off me for the first few months of their lives and it gives me great pleasure to know that I can use that later in life as the ultimate guilt trip to get them to visit me! he he!!

oH Me Oh My....mY bOoBiEs!!

1 comment:

Jani said...

So happy for you- Glad you got your "Boobies" back!

 
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