Friday, October 30, 2009

Keep your eye on the prize...

What a week! With the conclusion of the first half of Statistics, starting the third week back to work, Cory's vasectomy and shipping kids all over...this week truly has felt like 10 years.
I was so overwhelmed, tired and feeling extremely guilty for being gone so much from the boys, I finally gave in to my perfectionist tendencies.

Hello, my name is Kimberli and I'm a recovering perfectionist.

For the first time since returning to school, I didn't complete every assignment. I finished my class with still two assignments left due and pretty sure I sealed my fate with a B -, maybe even a C! One - I'm not good at math. Two - I'm not good at math. Three - I'm just plain TIRED.

I struggled this week with Jayden, he knows my buttons so well. He tells his dad all the time 'Love you Dad' when I say 'Love you Jade', he looks right at me and says 'Love you DAD'. He can be so naughty and out of control, I'm sure people look at me and think 'What the hell is wrong with that mom? Doesn't she know how to discipline her kids?' Some days I think I've got it all under control and others, I'd just like to crawl back into bed and not come out. I love my son so much, I just want the best for him and want him to love me too. Casey is great right now, I make him smile and laugh and he lights up every time he sees me. I will cherish that, because I'm pretty sure in about 2 years, he'll join the 'I hate my mother' support group.

All of these things combined this week and I had to ask for extra help with the kids from family and friends. Jayden spent the night with my Mom on Thursday so I could go to class and she could take him to school the next day. Casey's been bounced from Nanny to my sister to my mom and my friend all within three days. I felt like saying 'Will the real mommy please stand up?'

If I can just make it through the next 7 classes. I'm doing this to better myself, my family and our future. To make sure that no matter what happens, I have something to fall back on that could support us. I'm doing this to prove to myself that I can, I'm doing this because I know I CAN. I've always wanted to have my bachelor's before I turned 30. I'm doing this now, so later I can go and cheer my boys in their sports or whatever they choose to do. I'm doing this to be the wife my husband deserves and someone he can respect. I'm doing this to be someone I can respect.

So, I'll start my second half of statistics class next week and get ready for the holiday season and most important...keep my eye on the prize.

1 comment:

Kallie said...

You are doing a great job, don't ever feel guilty about it. Your kids were with people that loved them, and that is what is important. Keep your head up! I wish I could figure out how to fit school into my schedule too.

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