Friday, October 30, 2009

Keep your eye on the prize...

What a week! With the conclusion of the first half of Statistics, starting the third week back to work, Cory's vasectomy and shipping kids all over...this week truly has felt like 10 years.
I was so overwhelmed, tired and feeling extremely guilty for being gone so much from the boys, I finally gave in to my perfectionist tendencies.

Hello, my name is Kimberli and I'm a recovering perfectionist.

For the first time since returning to school, I didn't complete every assignment. I finished my class with still two assignments left due and pretty sure I sealed my fate with a B -, maybe even a C! One - I'm not good at math. Two - I'm not good at math. Three - I'm just plain TIRED.

I struggled this week with Jayden, he knows my buttons so well. He tells his dad all the time 'Love you Dad' when I say 'Love you Jade', he looks right at me and says 'Love you DAD'. He can be so naughty and out of control, I'm sure people look at me and think 'What the hell is wrong with that mom? Doesn't she know how to discipline her kids?' Some days I think I've got it all under control and others, I'd just like to crawl back into bed and not come out. I love my son so much, I just want the best for him and want him to love me too. Casey is great right now, I make him smile and laugh and he lights up every time he sees me. I will cherish that, because I'm pretty sure in about 2 years, he'll join the 'I hate my mother' support group.

All of these things combined this week and I had to ask for extra help with the kids from family and friends. Jayden spent the night with my Mom on Thursday so I could go to class and she could take him to school the next day. Casey's been bounced from Nanny to my sister to my mom and my friend all within three days. I felt like saying 'Will the real mommy please stand up?'

If I can just make it through the next 7 classes. I'm doing this to better myself, my family and our future. To make sure that no matter what happens, I have something to fall back on that could support us. I'm doing this to prove to myself that I can, I'm doing this because I know I CAN. I've always wanted to have my bachelor's before I turned 30. I'm doing this now, so later I can go and cheer my boys in their sports or whatever they choose to do. I'm doing this to be the wife my husband deserves and someone he can respect. I'm doing this to be someone I can respect.

So, I'll start my second half of statistics class next week and get ready for the holiday season and most important...keep my eye on the prize.

Pay LESS!!

A girl from work gave me the Oprah coupon today for 50% off EVERYTHING in the entire store at Payless shoes! Needless to say, I took advantage of it!

Won't these be fun boat shoes for Casey next summer
Ok, my first matching shoes for the boys...I loved these Airwalks!

Purse, 2 pair earrings, hat, scarf, 1 pair high heels, 1 pair suede boots, 2 pair infant shoes, 1 pair toddler snow boots, 2 pair slippers, 2 pair men shoes.
I saved over $150!! I get a rush just thinking about it!

Kellerstrass Family

We went to Layton park a couple of weeks ago to take some pictures for Christmas and being as we haven't had pictures done with our entire family including mom and dad since I was 5! I thought they turned out great and was happy with the outcome.

No more BaBiEs...

Waiting to for his turn, a little doped up from the Valium
"Let's Do This"

Wednesday, I went with Cory to hold his hand while we under went the procedure to prohibit any more offspring! Cory really only wanted one, I wanted more, at least two...maybe three. We decided on two being enough for us. I'm pretty sure my abilities for being a somewhat acceptable mother end at two kids and might damage a third child ;)
It was pretty interesting to see the procedure up close and personal, I won't go into too much detail. It kind of reminded me of watching cat and dog spay/neuters for my Senior Project. (Sorry, babe) I won't lie and say that I wasn't sad, as I saw the doctor cut, stitch and cauterize the tubes I was pretty sure I saw our 'could be' kids saying 'Bye mommy!'
It made for a long day, then as I tried to coax Jayden into eating his lunch and taking a nap for Laurie, gave Casey a kiss on those chubby cheeks to rush back to work...yeah..two is enough for us!

Monday, October 26, 2009

PuMa *Puka* ShOes

We had Lance and Sarah over for dinner last night and Lance had these shoes on. He got them from the Vegas PUMA store. I think they're hideous and he thinks they are SO COOL. I decided we'd settle it with a vote.

To sweeten the pot a little and get more votes, leave a comment here after you vote and I'll put your name in for a drawing prize.

**Foot Massage kit and a Scentsy Bar 'Coconut Lemongrass'**

I'll leave the poll open until next Monday 11/2/09! Happy voting, may the best taste win Ü

Friday, October 23, 2009

Too Sexy for my Dress

I've been watching a white dress like this in VS for about two years now and I can't ever decide if it's appropriate for work wear. Ladies, here is the task if you choose to accept it...give me your vote.

AFCU appropriate or not?

Could be viewed as too tight, form fitting or even casual? Please remember I have some know large deck up top and a badonkadonk..but not as much as this girl!!

Wowza!! Baby....Got...Back!


I was in class last night and started to talk with Lisa (Big Sis) over instant messenger. Apparently she was typing on her Iphone and having a hard time.

She tried to tell me 'goodnight' and ended up typing first *nigget* then *migget* (Me-Get). Although, they both sound like swear words to me, think they could come in handy.

I asked her what those words meant and she didn't know, I'd be curious to see what you thought. I thought about calling my teacher a dumb migget for giving me the hardest problem of the whole class to do in front of everyone.

Remember that Superbowl commerical where the guy throws the cell phone at his friend's head for anti-theft protection? I wanted to do that with my calculator last night!

So, next time you want to swear at someone, call them a migget instead!

oH Me Oh My...mY bOoBiEs!!

*Warning, the words boobs, boobies and nipple are used more than 12 times in this post**

I have officially STOPPED nursing! I think it's safe to say (knock on wood) this was the LaSt nursing experience I'll ever have! Cory goes in next Wednesday for the ol' clipperoo.

I thought in remembrance of the occasion I would list some of my breast feeding memories, roll the beautiful bean footage!

  • When my milk came in the very first time with Jayden, experiencing hot liquid magma and rock hard boobs because he wouldn't nurse. I'm sure I'm not exaggerating when I say they were the size of a small basketball.
  • The first time I hooked my boobs up to a pump with Jayden. I was quite engorged, Laurie helped me hook the cups up to my small planets Ü She turned on the machine and I watched my nipple extend 4 inches into these tubes and I experienced pain and relief all at once as the milk started to fill up the bottles. Cory took on look at me and left the room, he said he'd never be able to look at my boobs the same again if he didn't leave! I literally 'mooed' at Laurie, I had officially entered the world of milk machine mom's
  • After Jayden and I worked out our differences and he started nursing well, I was at my mom's house for dinner. I had almost finished nursing on the one side when Jayden must have gotten a bubble because he clenched his jaws and screamed. Well, we ended up screaming together because he was clamped down tighter than a tortoise on the end of my nipple....YYYEEEEOOOOWWWW!
  • When I stopped nursing Jayden at 6 months old, it was a hard decision as it always is I guess. I remember the last time I nursed him clear in my mind. It's a memory that belongs to him and I.


  • Latching him on in the hospital right after delivery, he latched right on and started to suckle. He had quite the appetite from the beginning. He looked at me in the eye as if to say 'Hi Mom, I'm yours and have been waiting'
  • The shameful feelings of 'I don't want to nurse anymore, I'm ready to have my body be mine'
  • In the middle of the night when he would nurse, stroking his cheeks and loving him so much
  • How anxious he would get when it was time to nurse. I barely had time to get my shirt up before he was searching with his face frantically!
  • The shooting pains in my right nipple that kept me up all night.
  • Sticking a needle in the end of my nipple to relieve whatever was stuck (Yes, a needle, yes it hurt and no it didn't work)
  • Having my boob be bigger than my babies head!
  • Not wanting to let anyone down when I felt like a selfish failure with nursing

As I type, my boobs are bound in a sports bra with an ace bandage as they have been for the last two days. I feel bruised, but no shooting pains anymore. Casey is still searching when I cuddle him. They say babies can smell their mommies milk. I know he'll love me no matter what, but it's still a hard decision. Not wanting to pump at work, pains, and just a plain hard delivery and recovery have left me feeling a bit less than up to par as a mother the second time around.

What keeps me going is the smiles he gives only me (however, he did share a few with Melissa at work today and even giggled for her..what the?!) It was very cute to watch though! I love how he is a mush and snuggles into my neck to fall asleep. I love his smell, even his clothes after he spits up and yes I still think his baby poop has familiar smell to it. (I know, I have issues)

So, as I wait for my milk to disintegrate and my boobies to become mine once again I say a fond farewell to the nursing times for me. I'm so glad I tried it with both of my boys, succeeded with one and almost with the other. It's a powerful bond between a mother and child that no one else shares. It's empowering to know that my babies survived off me for the first few months of their lives and it gives me great pleasure to know that I can use that later in life as the ultimate guilt trip to get them to visit me! he he!!

oH Me Oh My....mY bOoBiEs!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Ally Cutie Pie

I have the kids on Mondays, while the two boys are in pre-school, Alison and I have fun in the basement. I love her to pieces, she's the daughter I'll never have! She is 100% attitude and soooo kissable Ü I thought I'd share some fun we had this morning. Her giggle is delightful and makes me smile! Thanks for sharing your daughter Laurie!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I'm a Survivor!

So, I survived my first week back to work. I must say, it's a lot harder than I remember with Jayden but everything seems to be these days. 10 hour days sure feel like 20 hours and by the time I get home, it's dinner then the kids go to bed. My laundry has been lacking and it wasn't near as relaxing in the evening time. Cory noticed a big difference, no dinner on the table when he gets home. He actually has to pick up the boys and keep them for about 2 hours until I get home.
Casey can get pretty fussy in the evening time. The first day back to work, when I got home he had been fussing for a bit. He was tired and hadn't napped like he normally does (I'm assuming with the change in surroundings and schedule) I picked him up and he nuzzled in my neck and fell right to sleep as if to say 'Where have you been all day?' I took advantage of it and went in his room to rock with him while dinner was in the oven.
My nerves were definitely shot with work and all. Tempers were short in my house all the way around. The worst of it was Thursday, work all day and school at night. I stopped by to nurse Casey and shove pizza down my throat and made it to school 40 minutes late. Statistics is a nightmare! A weekly reminder of how not smart I am.
To top it off, Jayden and Harrison have driven everyone to their wits ends. They ruined Laurie's bathroom by spraying bleach on it and each other as well as shoving a drain down the toilet. Jayden managed to pee outside and lie about it and while they were watching the construction on the street outside ruined Laurie's wall with a chair they were sliding against it. This weekend, Jayden managed to dump an entire large can of formula out, you know because it's so CHEAP! He also took a garden hose to Grandma Diane's TV in her room, apparently he thought it looked to dry.
Cory and I go to bed at night and wonder if the kids and us will make it through this crazy thing called life. In the midst of it all, we're still trying to have a 'marriage'. I can't tell you the last time we had mommy/daddy time and were just able to be together. We've had a lot arguments, mostly because we're both exhausted.

If we can just make it through this next year, with the baby and finishing school. I'm sure we'll be home free by July 2010! On the flip side, it's nice to be back with friends at work in Corporate Training, I haven't been in my department since May. However, I feel a little out of the loop. Not caught up with new trainings, my assignments were all given out to others and have no clue about the inside jokes I used to laugh so hard at with them. I'm sure it will come back with time, but still feels a bit awkward. I'm excited for my first training in two weeks, Crucial Confrontations. It's with the managers, and my mom is going to be in it. This will be the first class I've taught with her as a participant, I'm excited and nervous! Don't want to let her down.
So, on to week 2. I'll do it like I do most things, with my eyes closed, holding my breath and jump right in!

More Baking...

Banana Bars
Homemade Oreo's

My lovely friend Kirsten (Grandma's Desserts) is not helping my baking addiction lately! This time I made homemade oreo cookies. I had a slight blonde moment in the process, she showed pictures with parchment paper on her pans. Well I don't have parchment paper so I decided that wax paper would work just as well. (Wait for it) So, I lay a piece of wax paper on my pans and happily put them in the oven. About 3 minutes later, I opened the oven to check on them and a billow of smoke came out.
Cory said 'What are you burning?'
I replied 'Oreo's, I'm not sure what's wrong, I just barely put them in.'
Cory 'Could it be the WAX paper in the oven??'
Kim 'Oh, I get it WAX paper. I guess WAX smokes when it gets hot!!!'
Is it too late to use the 'baby has taken all my brains' card??
Anywho, I made some banana bars that are almost the same recipe as pumpkin bars and I have to say that the pumpkin bars win. But, who could let a good dessert go to waste...NOT ME!!!
Happy Baking Ü

Monday, October 12, 2009

You're Gonna Miss This...

I start back to work tomorrow :( I have a very heavy heart this time around. It seems like with Jayden I was bored and ready to go back. This time my days are full of pre-school drop offs, babysitting, cooking, cleaning, school, oh my!
I feel like with 30 hours a week, 10 hour days my family time is seriously going to be lacking. I was just nursing Casey and he kept stopping to smile at me...made me a little tearful for what's to come tomorrow. I made the nanny a two page note with instructions, notes and things Casey likes and dislikes. I have my clothes ready to go for the morning, lunch made and the diaper bag ready to go. Has it seriously been twelve weeks??
Here is just a sample of the things I'm going to miss...yes I said MISS!!

This is how I found Jayden up from his 'nap'...looking for snacks.

Little Visitor

Can you see him?
This little guy was swimming in our pond!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Casey's Blessing

Casey and his grandma's
Jayden and Carter 'jumpin around!'
Man of the hour

Me and the boys

My 3 Handsome Men

Today we had Casey blessed. Cory's uncle Bob and his family came up from St. George to bless Casey for us, he also blessed Jayden. It was so surreal putting Casey into the same blessing outfit that Jayden wore. I found myself asking 'Did Jayden really fit into this only 4 short years ago??' Time flies by so fast.
We had Casey blessed in Laurie's ward. I don't know very many people in mine, so I thought it would be nice to do it in a ward where Laurie knows everyone and she helped me set it up with her bishop. She is always so quick to help, I don't know what I'd do without her. I love you Laurie!
After the blessing we had everyone over for Cafe Rio sweet pork burritos (YUM!) I have such a great family and in-laws, get together's are so much fun! My mom, Cory's mom, and my sister did so much to help me, it was wonderful. Cory's grandma even brought peach cobbler! (Of course I don't eat fruit, but everyone else enjoyed!)
Most of you know that I'm not active in the church, I am a member but haven't gone since my junior high years. I've been having this strong feeling for the last 6 months or so that I want to go back to church. I have some reservations and have been praying about it. (Yes, I do pray) I've talked with Cory and Laurie about it some. Obviously, the feelings haven't gotten me to church yet, but they are hard to ignore. During conference weekend I tuned in for a bit and the first thing I hear is the choir singing 'Choose the Right', seriously does it get any clearer??! I do and have always had a testimony of the church and know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I do feel that I have a special relationship with him and that even though I'm not active, he is there to watch over me and listen.
I've decided to take it a day at a time and that when the time is right I will know it. I do want my boys to have exposure to the gospel so that when the time comes they can make the decision on their own of what is best for them. At least for them to know that their Heavenly Father loves them.
Today was special and I felt the spirit strongly with Casey in my arms today. I wanted a girl so badly, and know as I look back over the last almost 3 months with Casey, I know that Heavenly Father had a different plan in mind and sent me this special child to love and raise. Everyone was always so drawn to Jayden from the moment he was born and I've felt like things have been different with Casey. I feel a strong urge to protect him and support him and to help the world see how wonderful he is.
Sorry for the long post, it feels nice to talk or 'blog' about therapeutic!! I hope you enjoy the pictures and thanks to everyone who was with us today in person or spirit. We are truly a blessed family.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Come to Mama!

After a year of slamming the lid on my old washer and recently it was making sounds like a large animal was going to appear any minute...Cory let me buy my front loads!!! Can I just say they are SOOOOO wonderful! I can't believe how fast it washes and dries! Let your eyes feast on these bad boys!

P.S. - I got a KILLER deal from Sears, over $350 off a piece Ü SWEET!

New Decor

I purchased some canvas prints today to replace my old kitchen pictures, I think they look rather nice!

I also took some pieces from an old floral arrangement, added that to my planter and then put both in a black wicker basket to use as a centerpiece for my kitchen table.

Let me know what you think!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Pumpkin Bars

So I got this recipe from Kirsten Davies blog Grandma's Desserts. (Check my blog list) and she had this delicious recipe. I was so PROUD of myself, I'm usually not the best baker..yes I can cook but baking is hit or miss. You have to try this was soooo good! I won't tell you how many I ate by myself, let's just say it wasn't good for me! The icing was the best part, yummy!

Pink Eye?

When Casey was about 8 weeks old, I thought I came down with pink eye. Both eyes were red, not really any discharge (that's such a gross word!) but sore. So I had my OB prescribe me drops for pink eye and used them for a day or two and it went away.

Over the last 3 days, my left eye went pink again! I thought..are you kidding me?! Jayden and Casey never came down with it, so I wasn't sure where I was getting it from. Well this time, my eye got really red and it hurt. Almost felt like my eyeball was bruised. So I went to the eye doctor and they examined my eye. It turns out something was in my contact and irritating my eye and made it swollen.

So, the good news is no pink eye or infection. The bad news, have to change contact solution and wear glasses for an entire week! YUCK! The doctor told me it would be a good idea to actually finish the prescription drops this time, not stop when the red goes! So here is what I look like for the next week..can you say 'four eyes!'
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