Saturday, August 1, 2009

Post Partum Blues...

Where to begin...I've already posted about my delivery excitement with my epidural, apparently that wasn't the end.
My headaches are gone, and on to the back pains. Over the last three days I've had severe lower back pain. The kind that keeps you from bending down to get things, or twisting - even sitting down hurts. When I sit in the chair or car, I get shooting pains down my legs and when I stand up I get what feel like spasms from my lower back down through my thighs. The doctor said it is somewhat normal from my blood patch and should peak then start to get better. Well, I guess that goes for smart people who lay down all day when they are in pain. Mine has just gotten worse. I have a very difficult time laying down all day, so I've done some light laundry and I sit on the couch to 'relax'. It doesn't help that Casey is a GREAT nursing baby -every two hours!
So today, I hit my low. I just couldn't believe how much pain I was still in and it makes me frustrated that I can't take care of my family. Cory has been telling me to lay down for three days, I don't know why it's so hard. I look around my house and see all the things I do every week just sitting and it literally sends chills up my spine ;) I HATE IT! I don't like asking for help and I already feel like my husband is going above and beyond. So with tears today, I cancelled the visitors who had planned to stop by and I started back on pain pills and laid on my bed with a heating pad...what a difference! My spasms stopped, it still is sore but along with the pain meds much better. To make matters worse, I've lost my wedding ring. Yes, LOST. I couldn't wear it for the last month or so and the last place I remember having it is on the way home from our pictures in the car. It was a VERY expensive ring and VERY sentimental of course and I can't find it anywhere. So as I lay down for my back, in between nursing and explaining to Jayden why mommy can't go play I have panic attacks about never finding my ring again. I'm pretty sure it's things like this that drive people to insanity. I'm holding on and thanks to wonderful family members, friends and neighbors bringing dinners in - my husband is still eating.
So, here's to laying in bed and accepting help. Laurie is taking Jayden for some time tomorrow and all day on Monday. My mom is helping Tues/Wed/Thurs and Cory will be home on Friday. I can't wait until I get back to myself and clean, cook and do the things I like to do. Maybe even get to water ski behind our boat before the fall. I keep having nightmares that my back will never feel better, I have no idea how people function with constant back pain. I guess I take for granted my health everyday that I was able to get up and go, play with Jayden, run errands, even something simple as bending down to shave my legs. I will never again take those things for granted because it's so impairing not being able to do them. Most of you know that I'm not a real religious person, but I'll share with you that there have definitely been prayers said every night and during the day that I can get well soon and find my beloved wedding ring. I'm sorry for using my blog to complain - it's sort of therapeutic I guess. I'm also so so so thankful for all of you that have helped or even called to check on me. I have a wonderful support system and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful or appreciative of what is done for me and my family. Laurie - I love you and am so thankful for all that you do in addition to your own hectic life. You are a blessing to me in each and every way. Cory - there aren't words to express my gratitude for your love, patience and understanding as you carry the burden of two parents through this. Mom-You're my rock and I hope to be half of the mother to my boys that you are to me. To everyone else, thank you for all of the support.
Here's to the next weeks to come, getting through the healing process, adjusting to two kids instead of one and finding myself somewhere in all of that again.


Kallie said...

Oh, Kim I could tell you were so stressed yesterday. I wish you would have just told me to come another day. I feel bad, I wish there was something I could do to help. I would be happy to bring you dinner next week sometime. I will call and check with you. I am sorry about your ring, I have a feeling it will show up though. Hang in there, your doing the best you can!

Taylor's mom said...

Ok, that made me cry at 8:30 in the morning! What can I do to help? I know you've got help this week but can I help them? OR you next week?
I DO know what you're going through. With an unplanned c-section, blood transfusion and just plain after-birth pain, (and, well, not being able to go to the bathroom for over a week!) my back was done. I think the worst was feeling it would never be strong again. I carried so much weight that I thought "no big deal, I'm healthy and strong" but I wasn't for weeks.
I'm SOOOO glad you are laying low! Cry if you need to. When you hold all that emotion and pressure in, it goes to your back, legs, feet. Let the stress go. Cory knows what his role of husband and father is! Let him excel in it. Also, you shouldn't be doing all that other stuff anyway silly rabbit, you're nursing!!!
Love you! Let me know what I can do because I'm totally there!(and I really can cook! Ü)

Melissa, Benton, and Roxy said...

Kimberli- I'm sad you're having such a hard time. Stupid patch thing! Like I said before, I live down the street and I will also help you in any way that I can. I'm sure it's hard to ask for help when you were like Super Woman before all of this happened, but you just had a baby and complications with the delivery, so I think it's a good thing you are back on medication and taking it slow. Seriously, let me know if you need anything...I'll be calling to check on you and hope you have something for me to do to help!

Morgan said...

I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time. I feel horrible about your ring... I hope you find it! Check your pant pockets? You will find it... Let me know if I can get you anything... I will call you this week to see how you are feeling cause I still want to come and visit... Feel Better!

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