Tuesday, November 18, 2008

School Time...hard times

As I continue through my effort to obtain my bachelor's degree, this class was a struggle just as the others have been. I'm constantly struggling with my balancing act between wife, mother, friend, full time employment and student.

Cory has been so good to work with my class nights and extra time on the weekends helping me with Jayden. I know this is taking a toll on me and my family. Just the other day, Cory picked Jayden up from pre-school and they called me on the phone. This is the conversation:

Jayden: "Hi Mommy!"
Me: "Hi baby."
Jayden" "Mommy go bye bye gain?"
Me: "No, sweetheart mommy come home tonight."
Jayden: "Oh, mommy no school?"
Me: "No, not tonight that's later."
Jayden: "Mommy come home soon?"
Me: "Yes, babe. I'll be home from work in a bit"
Jayden: "Ok, mommy two minutes!"

As I hung up the phone I had tears in my eyes. I feel that if I stay home extra hours, I'm sacrificing my job and if I stay extra at work I'm losing precious time with my son that can never be gained again. Invites with friends don't come as often because my answer is usually no, and when I do go, I'm giving up time with my husband to keep our relationship thriving.

I keep pushing, harder and harder because I know so many have come before me and succeeded, my mother one of those and so many woman after me that will ask these same questions. One thing that keeps me going is my family, the ones who I'm working for to give them a better life. My mother always tells me 'I worked full time from when you were a baby and when you look at me today what do you see?' My answer is always filled with love, respect and admiration. I've learned so much from her and continue to follow in her footsteps. She then tells me 'One day, a long time from now you can ask Jayden that same question, I have full faith that he'll answer the same' I can only hope to be so lucky.

To make a long post even longer, I finished yet another class and received an 'A'. Onto the next class tomorrow night and the journey continues on.....thanks for listening.



szumitacrew said...

Gotta agree with mom, Kim!
And really, I sometimes think my kids WISHED I worked. I do believe no matter what we do, they will find something to say 'I wish you _____'
You do great! You worry way way to much(Laurie too) I think you both are great mom's!
We do the very best we can, and that is all we can do!!!
You are doing great at the juggle act! And you will be glad at the end of this school journey, you were last time :)
Love you!!!

Emily said...

I haven't checked out your blog for awhile. Sounds like life is a little hectic, But Jayden and Cory know how lucky they are to have you. And like the comment above- there are many days the Carter says "mom you need to work, and dad needs to stay home with us" And sometime I wish I was away more just to get the happy awaited welcome.
Good luck with all of it, and Congrats on the A!

Kallie said...

I agree with Lisa 100%. I think that we wouldn't be happy no matter what we did. I know if I stayed home I would wish I worked. We as mothers are just hard on ourselves.

I think you do a great job at handling everything. I always say I don't know how mom's that work full time do everything. I can't even keep up and I only work part time. Good job on another "A". Hang in there!

Younger Family said...

Apparently is has been a while since I've been on your blog. You know- I think once in a while we all have to re-evaluate. You were home for a while and decided you were happier working. School adds a whole new difficulty- but it is not forever. The thing I think it is important to realize is that you cannot be everywhere all the time. It is a give and take. I always wanted Mom to stay home when I was little- and so this is the choice I made. Does that make me a better mother than you or Mom? Absolutely not!! We all have to do what we think is best for ourselves and our children. Mom loved her job and working and I always knew she loved me. She was happy working. I also think you have to sit down with your hubby every so often and make sure everyone is happy with how things are going. Sometimes a change needs to be made- sometimes everything is fine the way it is going. We just have to know that we try our best and put forth our best effort and leave the rest. Love ya!

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