Monday, November 11, 2013

Father's Love

I am one lucky girl to have a Dad like mine. He's fun, the life of every party and recently he's becoming a social media pro. Well, bless his heart. Although he means well...he just sometimes struggles a teensy weensy bit.

Like the time he he sent a friend request to every person in my Mother's contacts...including all her work contacts. Yikes. I got a message from a girl at work saying 'Um, why is your Dad trying to friend me on FB?' I called my mom...'TAKE THE iPHONE away from him!!'

Well today, I was scrolling through the FB wall posts and came across this. It didn't send me a notification that my Dad tagged me in a post, which is sweet, because he knows I've always loved horses and that means he was thinking of me, but you see...he had a few little problems.

#1 - He spelled my first name wrong
#2 - He was a little confused about my married name vs my maiden name

However, I will say that even though at times he is FB challenged. I think it's awesome my Dad has jumped on the social media wagon, he will always be tall, dark hair and handsome and no one smells as good as my Dad. Seriously...ask anyone. 

Friday, November 8, 2013

Insert COMMENTS here ---->

My friends, I am in  need of some advice. You can leave it here or email me:

Here is the dilemma:

Jayden is approaching 8 years old. We live in a community and have relatives that are active in the LDS church. As many know, 8 is the age when most kids are baptized into the LDS faith. I am a member of the church, although not active and have not been for awhile. I have been to church with Jayden a few times when I've needed some clarity, some grounding or other reasons. I was active in the church in my younger years, sometimes by choice and sometimes by force. (I deserved both I will add)

Jayden is not active, and not really familiar with ANY kind of religion at all. Something I'd like to change, but not sure where is the right path. My spouse is not a member of the church and isn't interested in going to that church or any other at this point, which is fine and I respect his choice. I am a firm believer in to each their own. However, I can't help but feel by not attending some type of church that I'm neglecting the little tender spiritual lives of my boys.

I do have a partial (Is that even possible?) testimony of the Church. I'm just not a believer in all the requirements that come with it. I have a difficult time believing that my God, with whom I believe to have a relationship with, would keep me away from my family in the afterlife because we aren't sealed. If religion resides within us and our personal faith, and our hearts, I strongly believe that those with pure hearts and love won't be kept from each other in the after life. My heaven is reuniting with those who have gone before me and waiting to see those who've yet to pass until we're all together again. That isn't my only qualm, but an example of my questions.

I do not discriminate on any religion, I do not believe in ONE true church. But I certainly don't want to hold Jayden back if he truly wants too go to LDS church with his friends, which he has voiced. 'Mom, when I turn 8 will Dad dunk me in the water at the church?'

We've talked about how Dad couldn't do that, but he has a Uncle here and Great Uncle in St. George that would be very honored to help him do that. At the same time, I've voiced to Jayden that this isn't a decision that I feel good about him making at 8. It is different from my Sister's home where they've all been raised in the church and have a background there. I just don't believe 8 years old is old enough to make that kind of commitment to a religion and not put the effort into learning the belief and following all that comes with it. I offered to Jayden I would take him to church if he wanted or even many of our neighbors would love to have him I'm sure.

It stands to reason that this would become a conversation at some point in our lives, when we live in such a highly saturated community where LDS is the prominent religion and he's been introduced some by me, but a lot of his friends at school and cousins.

I also wonder if he goes to LDS church, should I also expose him to the local community church where our Grandma goes? This is all so new to me and I don't want Jayden to feel like he can't explore religion or because Mom doesn't go he can't, because that certainly isn't my intent. But I also cannot wrap my mind around 8 being old enough to say he's ready to jump in. I also don't feel that it would be bad for him either for some type of relationship with Heavenly Father.

Advice? Criticism? Love? I'm ready.....

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

SHAM vs. Working Mom's

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.’ Sophia Loren
Of all the many uncertainties in this life of motherhood, the ONE thing I am certain of is EVERYONE has an opinion. It starts from the day you announce ‘I’m expecting!’ and I’m fairly certain it never ends. Here are some topics where I’ve experienced massive opinions…

·         Breastfeeding

·         Co-Sleeping

·         Potty Training

·         When to start Kindergarten

·         Video games

·         Food
 Why do we care what other people think? What works for you might not for me and vice versa.

I read an essay today that sparked my attention on the matter of motherhood. The Working vs. the SHAM. I am not a stranger to this topic as a full time working mom since Jayden was 6-8 months old. My sisters have both been SHAM’s, and sometimes working either from home or in the evening to be home with the kids. I feel like have a good idea of the pros and cons to each, but like  Glennon talks about in the essay, there is always room for doubt and for that Mommy Guilt to come out. Then in addition to the Mommy Guilt we play on ourselves, others go ahead and kick us while we are down. Sometimes they do it unintentional and sometimes very intentional.
Being a Mom is one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted. I can’t really say hardest thing I've ever done since I’m far from done. Despite the hardship, I hope I am NEVER done being a mother to my boys.

My boys have made many sacrifices for my career over the years, many of mornings the boys are up at 6 am or before, cereal from a box or granola bar on the go. If you see a kid sleeping at their desk, it’s probably mine from exhaustion. I’ve missed first steps, sent my kids to daycare with fevers when all they’ve wanted to do is snuggle with Mom. I also set a great example and lie about how many nights we read on Jayden's homework. I mean who in their right mind is reading 5 nights a week 20 minutes a pop with their 7 yr old? Why should I punish him, when really we don't do it every night because sometimes I get home, we have dinner, bath and then it's bed time. There have been days when I’ve chosen work over kids. A lot actually, it’s not something I’m proud of but it’s something I’ve done and do. I’d also like to mention there are days when I’ve chosen home over work and those are the best days. I wonder if I would cherish them as much if I had them every day. I think not, I think I might take them for granted and maybe not love it as much as I do in this way.
I can only hope they look back one day and can say ‘Our mom cared. She cared about my Dad and about us. Our mom was a motivated person who did hard things that we all.. at  one point benefited from, and she worked hard for our family. She held down a full time job, maintained the house, supporting us and she showed up when we needed her too. We got to do fun things and have fun things as a family and Mom hardly ever said NO.’
Will they say these things? You never know. But I’m not sure what they’d say these things if I didn’t work and chose to be a stay at home Mom either.
I also know that working mom’s think SHAMs don’t care enough about themselves and that SHAMs sometimes think working mom’s don’t care about their kids. You know, I choose to think that each person is an individual, not representing the entire group. Sometimes I feel jealous of my sister who gets to stay home and other days we talk on the phone and I’m so thankful I’m driving to WORK and not staying home.
I have many great examples in my life, friends and family who have worked full time, part time or stayed at home. The one who I call upon a lot is my own Mom. She’s worked full time since I was very little and her career was growing in my adolescence, yes there were times she missed out on softball games or taking me to school. Her absence also taught me a great deal, even when she thought she wasn’t teaching at all is when I learned the most.
She taught me to fight for what I believe in, to work hard and be committed. That it’s ok to have a family AND a career, to choose the most importants and delegate where you can. She showed me what it looks like to love what you do and be respected. Her teaching hasn’t stopped over the years, just taken a different role. In my 32 years, she still is providing me an example. When I call in tears on my way to work and think I’ve ruined my kids for good, she’s able to talk me off the ledge. She reminds me of our strong relationship today, and how it was possible to have that even with her working when I was little.
I don’t have all the answers, or truly ANY answers. What I have is my experiences and to the Mom’s out there, let’s spend a little less time judging each other and our individual choices and start supporting one another to help make the choice a success!
If you work 10,20,30,60 hours a week or if you stay at home and work 24-7, remember as long as we love our kids, show them we love them and just plain show up – it’s a success. Celebrate it.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

One of many hats

There are many times in my life where I really crack myself up. Truly I am confident in my ability to deliver a line. The other day I had a funny via text message and thought I'd share the story. Let me start with a little background:

My family has helped in me so many ways throughout my life, it would be impossible to list all of them in just one blog post. One of the many ways has been through helping with my children. My sisters are so great to help in a pinch and have been such a blessing to me throughout times of need while I progress in my career.

Since we live just around the corner from my sister, Jayden and my nephews attend the same school and Lisa has been great to let Jayden come over in the early hours of the morning, stop by and check on my house when needed and often give him a ride to/from school. All while juggling her home business and 4 busy kids of her own. so so very thankful to her

Well since my location has changed recently and I haven't had quite the commute I've had over the last year, I'm able to take my OWN child to school! Shocking! In addition to help try to even the balance, I've offered to take her boys in the morning to help with some of her load.

One of the many things I love about my family is our ability to make each other laugh. We laugh, and laugh and then laugh some more. Most times this involves projectile of liquids from our mouths, urgency to urinate or spontaneous snorts. A grand time.

I sent a text to Lisa this morning to let her know I could take the kids and interjected some humor in the midst. It's even funnier when you know that Lisa raises birds and another story awhile ago when we heard someone refer to a young girl as 'baby bitch'. Ever since then I've given myself this nickname as it's only natural for the YOUNGEST sister to carry this title. Obviously.

I keep telling my family we should have a reality TV show. I'm sure it'd be a success!!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Mommy Proposal

Casey is really quite the love bug. He loves to snuggle, loves to just BE with you. You’ll hear him often say  ‘Mommy, can you come lay with me?’ or  ‘Mommy, come watch me.’
 If you are on the same piece of furniture, this little man is nestled into you. Love it.
He also is very giving in telling you he loves you. Sometimes when he’s done naughty things…like when he hits you and you ask ‘Casey, why are you hitting?’
‘Because I love love love you!’
I’m not sure if he’s confused as to what love means or just brilliant.
The other night when I had been in his bedroom for the hundredth 10th time, I was lying next to him and he wrapped his arms around my neck and whispers....
‘Mommy, is it wossbile for you to be married to Daddy AND me?’
Oh dear. *swoon*
It’s really not fair my friends, I’ve never stood a chance.

Thursday, October 24, 2013


Anyone out there struggling with bills? Anyone out there tired of fighting with their spouse about money? I mean, can I get a AMEN!?
Ugh. I H.A.T.E. Money.
Which, really is ironic if you think about this is what I do for a living every single day. Help people with their finances. I am really quite good at helping others…just not quite brillant on my own end.
Cory and I have been married for almost 9 years; for the most part I handled the finances. Paid the bills, ran the checking, figured out how to take care of everything. Vacations, payments, buying, etc. He’d use the debit card for lunches or whatever and we’d never really talk about anything money related. The money would come out and eventually go back in.
No savings. No planning. No Talking.
Well obviously you can see the brilliance of this plan. Nope. Me either. This would be the cause of many fights, arguments, and going to bed not talking. We'd fight over his trucks, my clothes, where the money would go, etc.
So, we’ve decided to mix it up a bit. Cory took over the bills and along with that came full disclosure of our entire financial situation. YIKES. Once we took the leap and put it all out on the table, we decided the best course of action would be to each have an allowance. What? Allowance? This would be AWESOME! I was sure that I didn’t spend as much money as Cory. I take my lunch every day from home,  working closer to home would save on gas. I’d have my OWN money I could do whatever I wanted with and no explanations. Hallelujah!
We  each got our own checking account with debit card and each week we get our ‘allowance.’ The rest goes into a bill account for Cory to pay all the bills. We decided that out of our allowance would come gas, split the groceries and we’d do two date nights a month, each of us pay for one. Then we decided we’d each put money into a dedicated savings out of our allowance to do a family vacation next year. And slowly the $$$ started leaving the Hallelujah account.
Ha ha. Well. Nailed it.
So, apparently I spend WAY more money that I had realized. Hair, nail appointments, birthday presents, date nights, groceries, what about my makeup, hair supplies? I recently registered for a Marathon…$$$$, the list goes on and on and those fabulous little $$$ just keep LEAVING my account.
Allowances are HORRIBLE people. Smart, yes. But truly HORRIBLE. Miss Kimberli is getting a new education on how to manage her OWN money and still be able to do things she wants.
Well, first on the list of cuts. No more nails. This might sound easy and really a luxury I don’t need, but I’ve had nails like my entire teen and adult life. I’m not even sure if I have real finger nails under there. Guess we’ll soon find out.
Budgets are not for the faint of heart.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Have you ever asked yourself, “What did I do to deserve this?”
I have. Many a times.
I’m not sure on the answer to that question, but I still continue to ask it. Mostly when it comes to raising two although small in stature, ginormous in attitude, boys. Whom I think might be trying to kill me.
 It’s possible.
Jayden as most readers know, is the ring leader.
Every single thing you say to him he argues. It’s almost like a nervous TICK. I mean he cannot accept any kind of information without instantly disputing it. No matter who says, no matter when.
You could say the sky is blue and he’d shout ‘No it’s NOT!’ His cousin says ‘I have a quarter in my pocket’ and he’d yell ‘No you don’t!’
When I tell him to stop doing something, he tells me WHY he’s doing instead of stopping the action. Like, if I only knew his explanation this would make me change my mind.
‘Jayden, stop jumping on the furniture’ ‘Jayden, put down the iPad’ ‘Jayden get away from the pond’ ‘Jayden, stop splashing water everywhere’
‘But I’m having fun!’ or ‘We’re wrestling.’

Or how about when our kids TELL us what they are going to do, instead of asking. My sister and I just had this conversation via text.
Her teenage girl tells her what she’s going to do and my Sister replies
‘Mom, my friends Dad said I could go with them to a Haunted House Friday.’
Mom response ‘Well, he’s not YOUR Dad so good luck with that.’
Lisa asks me, ‘What did we do to deserve this?’ Why is it a constant argument with our kids.
My response….
It’s really quite simple. We were obviously total bitches in a past life.

Monday, October 21, 2013

The Flying Nun's

I’m not sure if Nun’s really fly, my experience is very limited. I attended a banquet to honor the Sisters of St. Benedict's in Ogden last week and it was amazing. What a great tribute and for me, an education about the role of The Sisters in what is now Ogden Regional Hospital.
There were 5 of the Sisters who flew back to Utah for the final tribute and unveiling of a monument at Ogden Regional where over 159 names of Sisters are listed for their service over the years. One of which they call Sister Stephanie. She was so fun to watch, you’d never guess she was 85 years old as everyone she talked too would just light up at the sound of her voice and warm embrace she offered. My mom leaned over and whispered ‘Sister Stephanie took care of Grandma during her stay at Ogden Regional, and she loved her.’ My grandma passed away when I was only 8 years old, so with my memories limited I cling to any person I can that knew her or had part in her life.
The Sisters are no longer at Ogden Regional, as this year they returned to their home state of Minnesota. After over 69 years of service, the vital role they had played at the hospital had come to an end. I was so surprised to learn all they had given over the years to the hospital. They really devoted their lives to caring for the ill and made a significant impact on the Ogden community. They would visit patients, offer blessings and taught nurses, with over 300 graduating RN’s in their classes. During a time when many were in War, the Sisters were called to Utah from Minnesota to help build a hospital and teach nurses. Each has a degree and has devoted their life to God and serving others.

The evening was spent with people in the community, a fabulous dinner and a few video tributes for the women who gave so much. From each seat paid at the event, a portion went to raise funds one last time for the many charities the Sisters were a part of. It was neat to see the Nun’s in their attire and there were a few priests as well. I’m not familiar with the Catholic religion, but find it very interesting. No question about any one person’s choice of religion in the room, Catholic or no,t you could feel the love and admiration for these amazing group of women.

At the end of the night they gave everyone a greeting card, the kind with a recorded message inside. The Sisters over the years had sang a Blessing Song, they would stand together and lift their hands high and sing together ‘May the Blessings of the Lord be upon you’. It was a token so that in a time of need, you could open the card and have the blessings of the Sisters. I brought it home that night and was telling Casey about the Sisters, and Heavenly Father. We’re not active in a church so he doesn’t get much the topic. He asked where Heavenly Father lives and why we can’t see him. We talked about being in Heaven and that we have people watching over us and keeping us safe. I opened the card so he could listen to the Sisters sing and he was memorized by their voices. We play it each night and he sits quietly listening to the song, last night he said ‘These ladies love us don’t they?’

Yes, yes they do.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Telling Secrets....

Does anyone remember when this whole ‘blog-world’ erupted? I mean, once upon a time there were no blogs, then in a blink of an eye, there were ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION blogs. As someone who has a love of writing, of course, I LOVED BLOGS from the beginning. It’s like peeking in someone’s window at night and seeing a sneak peak of their life.  Only in a non-criminal, non-creepy way. Well, sometimes it’s creepy.

I remember when I started my blog. My friend who at the time was stationed in England had one and all of a sudden, here was someone I hadn’t spoken with in a few years, and suddenly I was submerged in her life. Her pregnancy, her photos, her fish, her dog, her military life. WOW. Her blog was awesome. The creepy part is where she didn't really know when I was reading, or what I was thinking…unless I left a comment! What?! IYes. it’s like making a journal entry then asking for people to validate it with a comment. More Awesome.
A blog? Surely I MUST have one.
What type of blog should I create? A family blog? The kind where your name is attached and everyone knows it’s yours. What about an anonymous blog? The kind where we can just post random articles and essays about the secret to life or frustration over a friend.  I’ve read all kinds of blogs from cooking blogs to family blogs, and then all of a sudden people started to get nervous with posting their lives/pictures on the WWW. This whole scary intranet stalking thing happened and friends went private. They put their toes in the water with blogging and then realized it was too cold to submerge. I have never put my blog on private status. Truth be told, I’m living in the world where I’m really NOT that awesome, and clearly not awesome enough for someone to stalk me or care what I’m posting.
 I think I have a ‘jack of all trades blog’. I’ve posted some personal posts, funny posts, family posts, cooking posts, mostly just picture posts. etc. I don’t really think I need or am looking for validation of my life in my little blog. It is fun to think people think I’m interesting enough to read my thoughts or keep up to date on the Green Adventures. I really do love to write, so much in fact, my dream part time job would be to freelance for a magazine or newspaper or some online social media site. That way I could post life-shattering articles, and still maintain a low commitment level that writing a book doesn’t really offer AND with the possibility of getting paid! GASP! 
All of these thoughts have occurred to me at one point or another, and these thoughts came at a time when Blogs were cool and people posted weekly. Some of my friends still blog, not many. As you can see from my side panel, some blogs have gone YEARS with no post. I surely don’t post as much as I used too. I check in every now and then with a thought provoking post. (Ok, humble is not one of my virtues) I surely didn’t stop blogging because I’ve lost the luster, more so just lost the time and busy with my actual life.
There are a few popular blogs I still follow and really enjoy the articles I read there. I enjoy them because of the honesty and because it’s nice to know not every mom is perfect. And sometimes, after reading these inspiring bloggers, I get the inkling to search for my real writing roots and post truthful, awe inspiring posts about how even though I put on a good show, I’m really at best - a full time working, hopefully up and coming woman in my company – on the brink of failure mother – non-confident woman/wife trying to make it in this world.
That would be scary to share my truth. Really scary, but maybe, also a bit excitinglife shattering- chance to share and grow type thing. I think our biggest fear is being judged by those we love and those we don’t know. So much time is spent posting on FB and blogs about the awesome day we had with our families, awesome lives we lead and how great we were in the moment. Then we post those moments on FB, or blogs and wait for the world to validate our awesome-ness. In a world of social media, I think there are few who post the raw truths that make up a large percentage of our lives. Mostly we post the few and far between moments. Not many post on the truths that make up our non-perfect lives.
This has become more apparent to me as I read fellow bloggers who share their secrets. Bloggers that are brave and who share. They share so those that are reading don’t validate, but maybe more so relate. They share so people know that they aren’t perfect, but they aren’t alone either. Non-Perfect Women UNITE!
Recently, I attended a ‘women in business’ conference. In one of the breakout sessions, a speaker asked me to do a scary thing. She asked me to turn my chair around and face the stranger in the row behind me. This wasn’t the scary part – I look at strangers all day long.
No, the scary part came when she said our task was to sit about 2 ft. away from this stranger and sit in silence while staring in their eyes. NO talking. Just sit and hold eye contact. For 2 minutes. Did you know 2 minutes could feel like an eternity? It can, and it did. But like other hard things in my life, I did it. I didn’t even know her name, but I gazed into her eyes for 2 minutes and it was very uncomfortable. But the curious thing, I could sense SHE was uncomfortable too…and we totally bonded in our moment of scary quietness. Women have this amazing power to emphasize with each other. 
The next scary thing we were asked to do? We had to turn to our partner and confess something about ourselves, remove our masks of perfection. The sentence started out with ‘If you really knew me, you’d know (insert confession).’
I’m not sure if it was the power of sharing a statement so bold with a stranger or if it was the fact that we were saying a confession out loud. I’ve never been Catholic, but maybe this is what people feel like right before confession? Only, I’m sure she wasn’t a priest and there wasn’t a big wall up between us.
By the look on her face I could tell she was as scared as was I, so with my incredible ability as a woman to empathize, I offered to go first. Big, deep breath.
‘If you really knew me, you’d know that I spend my entire day job counseling and helping people with their finances and I’m a complete loser at my own finances.’
Wow! I did it and I survived and she didn’t run away screaming
‘She’s a fake!’
‘This lady is a total life scam artist!’
She simply smiled and replied with her statement.
‘If you really knew me, you’d know that I spend my entire day telling my kids how THEY should do things and how to be perfect when I don’t do any of those things myself.’
I wanted to tell her, isn’t that what all Mom’s do? But I didn’t and I could tell, to her, it WAS a big confession.
All of these are random thoughts in what might possibly be the longest blog post I’ve ever written…I promise there is a point and we're getting close. These thoughts lead me to believe there are so many of us who keep things inside and think that everyone else’s life is perfect. The perfect Mom, the perfect Wife, the perfect Sister, the perfect (insert title here). The truth is, if we were all being honest, and if all of our blogs were titled ‘If you really knew me, you’d know…’ we’d find that no one is really perfect. And it’s not really fair to hold ourselves to someone else’s’ standards.
So. I’m going to do more of the truth telling blog posts. Maybe it will help someone see that not everyone is perfect, nor is the appearance ever quite the truth. Or maybe it will just confirm what someone already thinks they know about me or give another opportunity to judge.
It will be scary, and that’s ok. At the end of the day, people will judge, make false assumptions or just plain be hurtful. The great thing is I hold ALL the power over all those negative feelings. I can choose how much they impact me, move me, change me, and silence me.
I have lots of secrets to share.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Anasthesia anyone?

One of my many, many favorite past times as a mother to two small naughty adventurous boys are a visit to the dentist.
I love these visits so much, I decided to wish upon my fairy godmother that Jayden would have horrible teeth so we could go more than twice a year and spend a weekend’s trip to Vegas on dental repair. Yes, that sounds delightful. WISH GRANTED.
Jayden has already had two crowns, so once we paid those pups off, he followed up that showing with 6 cavities!  SCORE. Because he has so many, Mr. Dentist declares sedation for an easier day. Yes to easier! We made the appointment on the once a month day they decide to do sedation.
I’m not sure what is worse, taking the baby Casey in, who doesn’t really know what’s happening. They shove a bowl full of awesome toys in his face and when he’s not looking jam a needle in his thigh…to this day Casey won’t just reach in for a toy ANYWHERE.
Or Jayden, who is old enough to know there will be a shot, and old enough to attempt to be a tough guy but still young enough to be scared out of his mind of what’s about to happen. I think we’ll call it a draw and say they both suck.
Jayden’s decided today he’d like to know everything that will happen.
When and how and just where will they give the shot Mom? How big is the needle? Does everyone get the same needle? Can they just give the shot over his pants, which might not hurt as bad?
The woman who administers the ‘medicine’ comes out and goes over Jayden’s health history, I can see the shot in her front pocket and I assume she’s going for the sneak attack. Oh, yes, here comes the lady with the ‘toy’ basket, her accomplice. I quickly explain to her that Jayden would like to know everything they’re going to do and would do better if she included him in the conversation. She takes the cue and directs her attention to Jade. She explains what and how this will happen.
He seemed to mellow a little bit, but not much. The nurse tells Jayden they are going to put a needle in his thigh. That it will sting a lot, but just for a minute, then he’ll get real dizzy and when it’s all done he won’t remember a thing!
To his credit, he did do awesome. A little yelp at first and then he was fine. We sat on the couch for a few minutes and I talked to him while the curtain of medicine took over his little brain. No matter how many times we do this, it never gets easier to watch the light dim from your child’s eyes. To know right about the point where they leave consciousness and enter la la land. He had one single tear run down his cheek as he lay in my lap lifeless.
They took him away and started their work, about 90 minutes later I got to go back and sit with him. He took a little longer to come too, and as usual I recorded the events for future pleasure. I noticed it took him awhile longer than Casey to really ‘come too’. While still working to wake up, he decides he needs to pee. Um, what to do about that?
Turns out, you carry your 50 lb. dead weight child to the bathroom. While holding said dead weight, you maneuver him over the toilet seat like a drunk skunk. As a girl, I’m understandably confused on how to ‘operate’ his unit for the peeing, I did notice it sticking straight out and dead aim for said mother holding said dead weight over the toilet. Is it inappropriate to push down your child’s ‘unit’ into the toilet to avoid being peed on? I think not. Comfortable? Absolutely NOT. Amazingly enough, Jayden’s 7 year old bladder holds more pee than mine working a 12 hr. shift and only peeing once. That stream lasted f-o-r-e-v-e-r.
Once we’re done with that, I carry him back to the bean bag to continue the process of him waking up. He had funny lines like,
‘Mom, why do you have four eyes?’
‘Mom, there’s a dot on the ceiling’
‘I hate the Dentist’
‘I’m dizzy!’
I must say, Casey’s was a bit funnier, earlier this year when he had dental work. I put him in the back seat of the car and he moaned ‘oohhhhh, I’m a zommbiiieeeeeeee’. To this day, puts a smile on my face.
Sorry. Back to Jayden.
We wait awhile longer and I decide I could be waiting at home instead of the office so I scooped up the dizzy boy and loaded him into the back seat of the car.
‘Mom, is this a dream?’
‘No dear, it’s a nightmare.’
We get home and since I’m home during a weekday, I’m taking advantage of every second. Getting laundry done, replacing my Comcast router, pest people come to spray, etc. I run down stairs to plug in the router and figure he’ll just lie in my bed. Wrong. I come back upstairs and no Jayden.
Thinking maybe he went to bathroom, I yell ‘Jayden!’ No answer.
A slight bit of panic starts over me, so I walk through the house…
Just as I’m about to head out the front door, here comes Loopy Larry through the front door hiccupping.
‘Hi..hiccup Mom! Just outside looooooooooookkkennnn for the beeeeeessssssssss.’
OMG. Bees? Really?
As I’m having an argument with an almost comatose person about why we should STAY in bed, I get the patient back in bed. I decide he probably needs some food to help the process along.
Just as I’m about to go from the kitchen back into the bedroom, here comes the patient from psych ward II with blood stains on his lip…what the…
‘Look Mom! I can’t feel my mouth, so I pulled my tooth out!’ (see picture above)
He’s holding out loud and proud the non-loose tooth which has been extracted by my 7 year old. Is it horrible after my initial shock that he’s actually done this; Was it one they just put a filling in?
I’m happy to report that the patient did come back to life and that although this story resembles a close similarity to the movie The Hangover, there were no animals injured and no permanent tattoos given during the events that took place.
I ensure you that these are all facts, how I wish this was a fiction blog.
Wine, anyone?
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